Forgiveness is a Weapon of Mass Destruction! Does this statement sound like it’s over the top, maybe written by someone in marketing? I would have to agree since I wrote it, and my background is indeed marketing. However, ten years ago my world view radically changed when it comes to forgiveness and how critical it is in every area of our lives. When used sincerely and out of love, it has the power to destroy every misunderstanding, hurt, division, wall, barrier and offense that can happen between people. Forgiveness truly is the best weapon we have in relationship struggles.
I have found 5 ways to use forgiveness, but by no means are these the only ways to use it.
- When you are in the wrong: This is the easiest one and the one we usually conquer first. Whether your wrong was intentional or accidental does not matter. As soon as you discover you hurt someone, go and make it right – ask for forgiveness. My Wife and I started training our sons on this. Like most siblings, they fight and argue incessantly. Our rule is to make them go immediately to the other and ask forgiveness when one crossed the line.
- When a relationship you are in has changed: You might not know why it’s changed, but you know it doesn’t have the same trust and closeness. Go and ask forgiveness for anything you might have said or done. Chances are it might not have been anything you did, but this will open the doors to communication and help to restore the relationship. I did this just last week. A while back, a friend became cold and unresponsive seemingly overnight. For the life of me, I could not think of anything I did wrong, so I called and asked forgiveness for anything I might have said or done. This opened the doors of communication again, and we discovered the problem was based on a misunderstanding which we never would have discovered if I hadn’t made the first move.
- When you are in the right and they are wrong: This is much harder to do. Forgiveness is NOT based on right or wrong but on unconditional love. Someone has to take responsibility for the relationship even if you are the one that was wronged. Step up and forgive even before they ask you to. My wife has practiced this so much in the past 30 years! She tends to be the more mature one in the relationship. Be the bigger person. Fall on your sword and ask forgiveness… even if you are right!
- When we have discredited with our words those who we do not have a relationship with: Words are like swords, and we need to keep them in check. If you have used your words in a careless manner, you must use words to rectify the harm you have done with an apology. For example, I wrote a letter once to the President of the US asking him for forgiveness because I was talking badly about him. Even though he would never know what I said, asking for forgiveness restored my life by restoring my conscience and my focus.
- Mercy Forgiveness: This is similar to #3 but is extended on the front end of the offense. Many years ago, I physically hurt a friend of mine in anger. The injury required surgical pins, and it made his future dreams impossible. When I came into his room at the hospital after surgery, before I could say anything he looked at me, without any anger, and said “Ed I forgive you.” This destroyed me. I would rather he hit me with his bed pan and scream at me, but in the end it was the life line for our friendship. Accepting the mercy forgiveness of someone you love may be the hardest to do.
When forgiveness is used with sincerity and love it is a WMD and has the ability to destroy divisions. It also has the ability to restore relationships and change the course of one’s life.
Find your passion and you will find your life!